My parents have incredible will power They exert incredible power over me by threatening to cut me out of their will

The world may not be full of Assholes; But sadly they are so strategically placed that you come across one every day

Murphy s Law for Cell Phones: The longer you stare at your phone before picking the call the Bigger the lie you tell

Your age doesn t define your maturity; Your grades don t define your intellect; And rumours don t define who you are

Reality Check: When you need advice everybody is ready to help you But when you need help everybody gives you advice

I write Sent from my iPhone at the end of all my scripts so the reader will excuse any spelling or grammatical errors

Pls dont pick up calls from unknown numbers today It might be your past catching up to wish you a Happy Father s Day

Women have an unfair advantage over Men If they can t get what they want by being Smart they can get it by being Dum

I think that if I died and went straight to Hell it would take me at least a week to realize I wasn t at work anymore

Women fall in love by what they hear; And men fall in love by what they see That s why women wear makeup and men lie

Women are like fruits Everyone has its unique colour shape aroma and taste Problem is with men they want FRUIT SALAD

Whenever you are feeling down remember that today you broke your personal record for the number of days without dying

Age 11: I whip my hair back and forth Age 37: I drive my kids back and forth Age 69: I rock my chair back and forth

Hard fact about youngsters: They re always busy watching the desktop wallpaper whenever their parents enter their room

Money is not everything in life but make sure you have enough of it before such nonsensical thoughts come to your mind