Let me know if I say anything that offends you I might want to offend you again late

From the moment I saw you I knew I was going to spend the rest of my life avoiding you

If you have an opinion about my life please raise your hand and put it over your mouth

From the moment I saw you I knew I was gonna spend the rest of my life avoiding you

Why is it acceptable for you to be an idiot but not acceptable for me to point it out?

Women like smart caring driven men with a good sense of humor because opposites attract

I wish I were a dog and you were a flower; So I could lift my leg and give you a showe

Have u seen a monkey wrapped in plastic? ? ? ? ? No? Quickly check your driving license

Sometimes when I look at you I just can t help but fantasize about kicking in your face

Dear Haters I couldn t help but notice that awesome ends with me and ugly starts with u

Let it be very clear to you - the only asshole I want in my life is the one that I sit on

I m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid I really thought you already knew

If you re looking for sympathy you ll find it in the dictionary between shit and syphillis

It usually takes five years for a tree to produce nuts but this isn t true of a family tree

I hate two-faced people because it s harder for me to decide as to which side to slap first